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After a long flight across the pond (the Atlantic Ocean for those who are wondering what pond???), later in evening you could always find an interntational crew dining together sharing Italian pasta, French cuisine and always a bottle or two of fine wine. Then the stories start to flow. Each story funnier that the last. TWA Flight Attendants did really see it all and always ready to share a great tale.
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 Karla,
I had been flying about 2 months, my flying partner about 4 mos. We were on a 707 working in the back. A male pax came to the back to go to the lav and suddenly fainted. We got the Oxygen on him, my flying partner said “Call the cockpit to let them know.” This being my first first aid emergency I was all shook up. I called the cockpit, the F/E answered “Boiler Room”- I said “This is Karla, we’re administering Oxygen to a Pax in the rear!” Slight pause and the reply was “Honey, try his mouth!"
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Brenna,
When I was a “new hire” I was on an all “new hire” crew and we were on a turn to New Orleans. As we waited for the cleaning crew to board and turn the aircraft, the pilots came out of the cockpit with a look of concern on their faces. They told us that the nose gear did not lock when they landed and that we should all jump up front by the cockpit in the aisle to help lock the nose gear. Now, I’m not that well endowed but, my poor flying partners were…….
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Kaye,
747 - and we were on final approach into JFK. We were coming in from Athens, and almost the entire e zone was filled with Laotians refugees, no English, all dressed in very stiff new western wear (these people are just out of the rice fields and use to wearing very soft, plyable clothing).
These were the days when you would take off your uniform pants, and put on your smock. Well I was in the back area where duty free was sold getting ready to put my pants back on, smock off. So basically I am standing in the back with only a blouse, lacey undies and my panty hose. Suddenly I hear a lav door open - this very ancient asian man (with about 4 teeth total) comes struggling out of the lav trying trying to figure out how to zip up and button his brand new, very stiff levis.
He sees me trying to get my pants pulled up (fast). so he has now assumed that this is the official dressing room. Well he watches me button and zip up my pants. then he looks at his pants and a light bulb goes off - button, then zip.
As I could see he needed so assistance I help him with the zipper detail. Buttoned and zipped - he then gives me this very wide, toothless smile and bows - so I bow back - then he bows again etc.
All I could think of was what is someone from the crew just happened to be bounding back in time to see me and this man buttoning, zipping and bowing.
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Karen,
Years ago we had the Blue Chip flights to ORD. The service consisted of a tapper keg of beer and Deli sandwiches from the Stage Deli. Tapping the keg in a pressurized cabin was a treat in itself, but that is not the central theme here. At the time we had those summer uniforms made of Treveira Polyester - you know the brown, blue or green jackets with the dress that had the little tie at the neck and the tattersoll plaid skirt with the sauna belt. Remember this is the early 70’s the skirts were short and I was young and thin ( those of you that didn’t know me then won’t believe this, but I weighed 108)
OK - so we successfully tap the keg, place it on the old in aisle service cart, put the sandwiches on the second and third shelves and proceed down the aisle. If you recall the original polyester for clothing had the bendability of cardboard - this comes into play soon. I was working the tail end of the cart and we started from the galley in the back of coach on the old 707 domestic airplane. The roast beef sandwiches were on the bottom shelf and the pax who were 99% men in those days kept asking me for the roast beef which necessitated my bending over to retrieve them from the bottom of the cart. After the fifth or sixth time I became suspicious - at that point, in the bent over position, I turned my head to look behind me and noticed all the heads were tilted out into the aisle and not burried in the newpapers as usual. I wondered why I felt a draft and then I realized that my treveira polyester miniskirted uniform dress did not bend, although I did - so it stuck straight out and gave a good view - luckily my mom raised me to always wear clean, pretty underwear in case I got hit by a car and had to go to an emergency room - I shouldn’t be embarrassed. Remaining in the bent over position, I simply shouted to the men enjoying the view, “ Having fun boys”. Well that got the heads back into the newspapers for the rest of the flight. Moral of the story - always embarass others more than they embarrass you!!!
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Diane,
It was the mid sixties and I was 20 years old. I was working a breakfast flight on a 707 in F/C. We had 17 pax. The galley girl asked me if I would take orders. I said sure. She said the omelets go first, there is always a problem with the alternate. As usual in those days F/C consisted of all business men. When I returned to the galley I told her I had no problem. I only needed 10 of the omelets and all 7 of the quickies. She said WHAT.
I told her I needed all 7 quickies. She informed me they were called quiche. I looked out into the cabin. I saw 10 pouting, grumpy faces waiting for their omelets and 7 happy expentant faces waiting for much more.
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Sally,
That reminds of the lady who was sleeping in first class in her white mink. I took my bag down to polish my shoes with liquid polish. When I put my crewkit back up it must have fallen out with the top open. I took my bag down again for something else and decided to put it in the first class coat closet. About an hour later we hear a blood curdling scream. The woman turns her light on and she’s covered in black. She starts screaming,..”OIL OIL, SOMETHINGS WRONG WITH THE PLANE I'M COVERED IN OIL, WE ‘RE ALL GONNA DIE”.. I went over and said Ma’am actually that kinda smells like shoe polish. How in the world did you get that all over you. It was a mess. We cleaned her and her chinchilla with club soda for the last hour of the flight.
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Karla,
How about Pax getting embarrased. Had 4 Male Paxs traveling together- it was this one guys turn to buy the drinks. He pulled out his wallet to get his money out and along with the bills a very well traveled condom (never used) fell on the floor! I had a ball with that, “See you haven’t had much luck in a few years” I said. His buddies died with laughter, we all razzed him the entire flight- I bought him drinks. And I wished him luck when I checked seat belts for landing. He was very embarassed!
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Kaye
And one more...........
Tel Aviv - boarding - L1011 - the entire crew is up in F/C dining on our humus and tahini, paying absolutely no attention to the agents as they purposefully “board” a very unique elderly woman.
en-route to Paris - we are now in the aisle serving hot meals when I get to the “pre-board”. I ask her what she wants to eat - and she bursts out screaming at me in a language that was not Hebrew. I ask the Pax’s sitting next to her what she wants and they respond with “we have no idea who she is - she was seated when we boarded”. uh-oh!
Further inspection, not only is this woman ranting is some other language - we take notice that she is also “blind”. - oh great.
Moving on....one of the more caring F/A’s (natch - not me) takes a meal to the galley, cuts up the food into tiny bites and begins to hand feed her. Guess Grandma didn’t like our home cooking - as she begins to spit the food all over the place, pax, seatback, the F/A. Ok granny - so you don’t like the meal....
and the story continues.......
As I am walking down the aisle, the FSM grabs me and says he needs help with the woman - she needs to use the lav. By this time we had discovered she spoke Italian (and so did the FSM-whew).
I pray all we will have to do is to drag her to the back to the lavs despite all of her loud rating and protests. Of course the entire A/C was well aware of “princess charming”.
We get the woman back to the lav and the FSM proceeds to describe the facilities and where everything is located - our plan - quick close the lav door and pray some more. Not to be the case.......as the FSM is doing his best to assist - he suddenly looks at me with very wide eyes and says; “oh shit we have a problem”! Huh? What kind of a problem could we have at this point.
She is wearing something....
Wearing what....what is a “something”?
Diapers!
Yikees - (as he looks at me hoping my motherly instincts will kick in). In protest I banter back; “Oh no, not me....I have NEVER change a real babies diaper - let alone some 85+ year old woman (who is now screaming and crying in Italian). Get one of the mother’s on board back here, make an announcement to see if her family is hiding in a closet or something, get a nurse - DON’T GET ME!!!!!!
To the rescue another F/A shows up, now 4 of us are trying to fit into the lav all focused on diaper detail.......and as always just as we have dropped her “drawers” we hit an airpocket, the plane starts hopping around like the Easter Bunny..........and granny is grabbing at any body part she can find (our body parts to be exact).
and this adventure is not over yet..........
Granny says she is going to “Napolis” (which we hope is a side street in Paris.) Digging through her bags, finding her tickets, we discover that “Napolis” is actually INDIANAPOLIS and she has two plane changes once she reached New York.......not to mention immigration and US Customs, esculators and a transfer to the domestic terminal........piece of cake...NOT!
And can you just imagine the eager anticipation of some dear, loving relatives in “Napolis” as Granny is on the way for many weeks and months of warm, lovely conversation. Talk about family “dumping” - Tel Aviv to Napolis.
We notified the Paris operations we had a problem (that was after we got the cockpit to stop laughing), and they needed to make a decision about what to do with “Granny”. Paris was not too pleased with their role in our little drama (they thought we might offer to take her to our hotel rooms and then escort her to New York tomorrow - nice try guys). And you should have seen the Paris outbound crew.......................mutiny on the L1011.
Not sure what ever happened to Granny - we thought that Paris should send Granny back to Tel Aviv because she was not able to travel alone (now did we think some Tel Aviv agent got his pockets lined that day-so what else is new!). Call the family and hire a nurse in Paris to travel with her, make someone from the family come to Paris to escort her, find a taxi and make up some address, the ideas began to flow.............
To this day I never did find out how Granny survived.
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Susan,
I was commuting from Orlando. there were flights almost hourly to JFK and LGA. I was new so i collected matches from all of the hotels and kept them in that plastic zipper pocket in the old crew kit. I must have had 50 or more in there. I boarded the flight to JFK. I sat down in the last row of first class. The agent came on and said she didnt get my ticket from me and asked me to give it to her quickly so she could close the door. I thrust open my bag ad started rifling through it and grabbed the ticket. I gave it to her and within a few minutes I could smelll Burning. I'm looking all over. Luckily theres only a few people in First Class 2 rows ahead of me. I look down and I see smoke coming from my crew kit. When I shuffled through the bag for the tickets I ignited the matches. I threw my on ground drink into my crewkit and slammed it closed. I see the flight attendants walking through the cabin sniffing. About 10 mins the captain comes on and says “Ladies and gentleman we we ready to leave but we have a sulphur smell that we cant isolate on the aircraft. Mechanics will be on shortly” Im still on probation and Im saying “Holly s_it’ WHat now? So stupidly I waited too long to say anything. I didnt want to go up an hour later and say “you wont beleive this but...” So I gathered my bag and said “I think Im gonna go take the LGA flight next door. Have a good day. “ When I arrived at LGA I found that they had cancelled that flight. i think the statute of limitations is over now, so its now safe to tell that story...I feel so much better now lol
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Karin,
Most embarrassing..........so many to choose LOL, but I think my first week out flying when I was working First Clas and a gentlemen in a white linen suit ordered a Bloody Mary---now why would he do that???
Of course we hit turbulence as my tray was poised above him, of course it landed in his lap and of course I immediatedly started dabbing at it with the napkins in my hand until the entire situation was code RED!!! Red pants, red faced psg and extremely RED faced junior f/a. ;o))
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Susan,
In early 80’s, flying JFK to Europe -long nites.
After visiting the 747 First Class lav, I walked thru the entire cabin back to my “E” position........ with my pant fly open-my white shirt tail sticking out,erect at a 90 degree angle. Didnt realize it, till I reached the back of the 747, and all had a good laugh- I still swear to this day, that I AM a girl (woman)-LOL. It was a starchy shirt!! 747’s were great for hiding, when you needed too!
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Jean,
I was working first class on a flight to DCA. I was finally at the last row taking drink orders. Well the joker in 5A couldn’t decide what he wanted to drink. While I ran through the menu, I held back my impatience. It is such a short flight with a dinner service, so I tried not to rush him. Finally, he just told me to “surprise him”.
Next, find me in the galley, mixing up my magic potion. I serve him the mysterious drink, watch him take a sip, then ask how do you like it?
His reply, it’s really good, what is it called.....so I just look him dead in the eye and respond for everyone to hear....it’s a screaming orgasm, I thought you could use one.
Needless to say the entire F/C cabin cracked up. I had to mix several pitchers so everyone could try one.
I still to this day cannot believe that I did such a thing, but then again........
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Nancy,
One night we had a really obnoxious guy across from the 727 Reg. galley. Every time my flying partner would pass him, she would fart. Finally, he called me over and asked, “Is your friend just going to play the notes or can she play the whole song?”
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Bruce
In 1989, having become a father for the first time, I was very “into” anything involving babies. On a flight to LGA out of STL, I came across the “perfect baby”...a “Gerber Baby,” and thought the kid was just great. The Mom told me the baby was 21 Days old. Working L-1, I mentioned as an addendum to my arrival announcement, that “before leaving the airplane, to be sure to stop by row ten to look at that “Beautiful 21 YEAR old BOY!” I immediately received 2 bells from the back asking me what the hell I was saying?” They explained what I had said over the PA. I asked the coach F/A to IMMEDIATELY come to the front and relieve me of my duties, so that I could go in the cockpit and hide, until all the pax had deplaned. Thank God she did, and we laughed about my faux pas for the rest of the trip!.
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Doris,
On a non routine trip we cancelled in New Mexico. I had a five day spread after the trip so I elected to stay with a friend and take a short train trip on Amtrak. Being new I thought this was so cool. They have lettle beds that are against the window. Very snug but pretty comfy. The first mistake I made before going to sleep that night was deciding to go au natural and sleep nude. I tossed and turned during the night not used to all the bumping and swaying. I slept fitfully for most of the night, then fell into a wonderful dream. All of a sudden I was dreaming of honking cars , clapping and a ring ring ring of a train crossing. It just kept getting louder and louder until I awoke and realized I wasnt dreaming. With my back against the window I flung open the sheer drape only to find us stopped at a railroad crossing with my nude butt pressed against the window in the middle of of an intersection in downtown Tucemcary, New Mexico. People were blowing their horns and clapping and laughing. Apparently they had never seen such a thing.The train ended up being broken so we all had to get off. They were all trying to pick out the “Butt” in the crowd as we disembarked.
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Geri,
I was working L1 on an early morning flt out SFO, when passengers began boarding. The first passenger was a petite woman who left her big bag on my feet and told me to put the bag in the overhead. She didn’t even ask nicely,which irked me. I asked her where she was seated and she gave me a coach seat number. Knowing this was my chance, I told her that she had to stow the bag, and if she wasn’t able to fit it in the overhead, that we would have to ’check it. She said fine, but still wanted me to stow it for her.
There was a F/C passenger behind her who offeredto assist, but I told him no thank you, as I thought that this woman was just plain rude and demanding for any help. She went back to coach and I did not see her until after the demo and was checking the passengers for seat belts. When I got to her row, I almost died, there was this poor woman that I had denied helping, sitting therewith no arms. I suddently felt like groveling on the floor out of embarrassment. I apologized profusely, and she accepted. I offered her everything to makeup for what I did, but she didn’t accept anything I offered. She just sat there and minded her own business, while I felt guilty and embarrassed everytime I passed her row.
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Jeff,
We were new hires, and it was the good ol’ days of paycards, and when “A” had to go up to the cockpit and get the captain’s name, flight time and cruising altitude from the F/E. She went up to get the info, and when she asked the captain his name, he told her, “Well, I’m Captain Garue, G-A-R-U-E, but believe it or not, there are actually TWO Captain Garue’s working for TWA. So when you make your announcements, be SURE to use my first name as well as my last.” So the girl reassured him that she always uses the both the captain’s first and last name in her announcements, and asked him what his first name was. He said, “It’s Ken.” So out she goes, and when the plane pushed back, she dutifully got on the PA and said (if you haven’t figured this out yet, read this next line out loud), “Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Captain Ken Garue and his entire crew would like to welcome you...” Then she stopped, wondering why the entire cabin was laughing hysterically. She did a quick recap and realized what everyone thought she said. When she went back into the cockpit, they pointed out to her that the captain’s REAL name was on the paycard the whole time. I’m sure there were a lot of wisecracks about the first officer being Mr. Greenjeans on that flight!
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Jeff
We were newhires, and it was the good ol’ days of paycards, and when “A” had to go up to the cockpit and get the captain’s name, flight time and cruising altitude from the F/E. She went up to get the info, and when she asked the captain his name, he told her, “Well, I’m Captain Garue, G-A-R-U-E, but believe it or not, there are actually TWO Captain Garue’s working for TWA. So when you make your announcements, be SURE to use my first name as well as my last.” So the girl reassured him that she always uses the both the captain’s first and last name in her announcements, and asked him what his first name was. He said, “It’s Ken.” So out she goes, and when the plane pushed back, she dutifully got on the PA and said (if you haven’t figured this out yet, read this next line out loud), “Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Captain Ken Garue and his entire crew would like to welcome you...” Then she stopped, wondering why the entire cabin was laughing hysterically. She did a quick recap and realized what everyone thought she said. When she went back into the cockpit, they pointed out to her that the captain’s REAL name was on the paycard the whole time. I’m sure there were a lot of wisecracks about the first officer being Mr. Greenjeans on that flight!
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Eileen,
Let's see...It has to be the time when these two men were sharing a bag of the gourmet cashews. I said “Oh, those are my most favortie nuts in the whole world!” Being polite, one of the men offers me some. I answered, “Oh, no thank you, sir. I could never eat your nuts!” I then realized what I had said and turned the deepest shade of red! We all had a good laugh.
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